CAT/TAC

(foto do Joid, Macau 2001)

It has already been five weeks since Halloween and since I started my latest trial. Next Friday I'll do a CT scan and we will find out if this study drug is working.

I always prepare myself for all the possible results. I activate all my self-defense mechanisms a week before the scan. I want the scans to show tumor shrinkage. I hope for that but I am ready for any other results.

When I heard of my first recurrence, in 2001, in Macau, I was so scared that I literally felt the ground collapsing underneath me. That is how it feels when one hears of the first recurrence. It is different than hearing about the disease for the first time. It is worse, I am afraid.

The day of the scan was always full of drama. Crying, I used to call my friend Mário (who happens to be a doctor) to ask him if I could add whiskey to the awful CT scan prep drink. I hated the whole process of being scanned. The before/during/after anxiety that always accompanied the exam was just as bad as "that drink".

I never imagined that the day of the CT scan would one day become routine. I still hate the taste of the drink but I stopped making a fuss. I still want the scans to say that the drug worked but all the anxiety is gone.

Ah in case you are wondering if you can add Whiskey to your contrast drink, Mário´s answer was: NO dear, you can NOT add Whiskey :))))))