Saturday, January 30, 2010

Catarina never said a word, but she always spoke to us.



Over the past few days I have been mourning the loss of my 18 year-old niece, Catarina.

Zé spoke a few words at her funeral and I think they summarize the absolute love I, and everyone who knew her, felt for her.

"Thinking of what to say today

I began to get nervous,
Until I thought how silly that was.

After all Catarina never uttered a word, yet she spoke to all of us.

I ought to be able to manage.

But really, the problem is not what to say but rather

how to condense what Catarina spoke to us

so that I do not keep you here all day.

I remember the first signals Catarina gave us to let us know she was going to be different.

Going home yesterday Elsa recalled the day Joao and Duduca (Dom) came home after hearing from the doctors about the challenges Catarina was going to face in her life.

I think what they did after that brings us here today,
in full agreement that Catarina lived well, despite her challenges,

In great part because Duduca and Joao and Francisco made sure she did,

In great part because Catarina's hold showed Duduca and Joao how to be great parents, and Francisco how to be a great brother.

You all saw the pictures yesterday.
One particular one struck a chord with me.

It was the one of Francisco and Catarina in Chichen Itza.

I often hear parents say how hard it is to travel with kids.

Hard?

That picture was Catarina's message to all.
Yes, traveling with kids maybe hard.
It may be hard, but not as much as it is worth it.

Yes
Catarina never uttered a word,
But she spoke well to all of us.

I remember when Elsa and I moved to Macau.
Filipa was two years old.
Someone gave her a set of dolls.
They were little short dolls,
And she named every one of them.

Uncles, aunts, grandparents and cousins.
There was one with a crib.
She named that one Catarina.

We were far away
As far away as we can get in this earth, really.

But even in the mind of a two year old Filipa
Catarina was present.

And she is present today
As she will always be
in the minds of all of us.

And in the minds of Vovo Chico and Vovo Marlene
who could not be here today,

But who at this very moment have Catarina in their thoughts,

and she is also in Alex's thoughts,

who also could not be here today

But is thinking of Catarina

of that I am sure

She is also in the eyes of her Vovo Helder,
who passed away,
and I am sure will be looking after her,
until we all get to see her again

Catarina never said a word,
But she always spoke to us.


And I think that the most important thing she said to us
is that life is worth appreciating.

The pain we all feel today is her message

her way to let us know that we are alive
That life is here for us to live

So let us not forget that.

Yesterday I was not sure how my daughter Maya would react to seeing her cousin Catarina, that she loved.

At first she was not sure she wanted to go to the funeral home
But when she went and looked at her from afar, she asked to go closer and she cried and she touched Catarina but she was at peace.

When it was time for her to go home, I started taking her towards the exit, but she asked me to take her back to Catarina.

“I want to wave good bye to her one last time, even if she is not seeing me.”


So even though you cannot see us,
Let me say good bye to you Catarina.

Into our lives you came,
and forever shall remain.

Bye"

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well said Ze...Catarina never spoke but she communicated very well, with her beautiful eyes, her hands and her contagious smile, her life was so full of meaning and love, there was always an aura of peace around her.

Zaza

Je Vois la Vie en Vert said...

I did not know her but she left her mark here in the earth. She was loved for what she was, even she never said a word.

Rest in peace, dear Catarina.

We all will meet again.

Verdinha

tapioca said...

obrigada Zé pelas lindas palavras que, com certeza, aqueceram os corações de todos. A Catarina ficou para sempre nos nossos corações e ficou também o exemplo dos melhores pais e irmão do MUNDO.
Um abraço forte para todos

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Babellla said...

Speechless. Love you all and a special kiss to Joao and Duduca

Carla Estrela said...

Como a Catarina, disseste muito. A Catarina deixou um pedacinho muito vivo em cada um dos nossos corações. Ela nos mostrou a simplicidade da vida com a força do seu sorriso.
Um beijinho a todos que ficamos e que descansemos na fé que a Catarina estará em paz.
Beijinhos a todos,
Kiki

ggbbgg130 said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Erin said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, Elsa.

São said...

Pela primeira vez que entro na sua casa, faço-o num momento que lhe é muito doloroso.
Na total impossibilidade de a consolar e à sua família, lhe deixo um caloros abraço.

Gotícula said...

Não conheci a Catarina mas pelas palavras de certeza que foi muito amada. Força família!